Sometimes I miss the naiveté of being a child. Before I understood how the world really works. Before I was forced to face racism, sexism, heartbreak, public failure, and death. Before fears became real and disappointments were crippling. Before I started being reasonable and cautious.
Those were the thoughts that came to my mind when I recently sat down to think about who I am at my core. The work that I’m doing here on the site demands a certain level of authenticity. I’m constantly working on going deeper. I refuse to create a space that isn’t truly reflective of me.
Those thoughts turned into ‘Remember, when you wanted to change the world…what happened to that girl?’
The truth is I really had forgotten. I lost some of that fire that for the longest time seemed as if it was a part of me from birth. I’m not sure where it came from but I’ve just always wanted to do great things and have an impact.
At different stages in my life impact meant different things. As a child it meant being first in my class and getting good grades. In high school I added becoming student body president and serving students. That carried into college when I become a student senator and then started an organization dedicated to service of students and the surrounding community. The theme for my wedding was all about being a light and legacy. We chose a family motto of ‘Lucent in Tenebris,’ which means ‘light in darkness.’ That’s who I am at my core, a girl who wants to make the world around her better.
I’m not exactly sure when the fire started to dim. I started running through my life to find the places that may have stolen some of my fire. There was the failed organizing business and a humiliating end to my marriage. Black womanhood is no walk in the park. The fear that the black skin I live will make it significantly harder for me to achieve is real and terrifying. Then, there are those internal demons. The voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough. Not smart enough. Not beautiful enough.
Life just has a way of knocking the fire out of you or at the very least dimming it. But, a dimmed fire is not an out fire. Fires dim all the time but with the right attention they can shine bright again. Maybe it’s more firewood or lighter fluid. For my fire it was embracing my truth, releasing my failures, and listening to the desires that has been placed on my heart for as far back as I can remember.
Taking the time to reconnect with who I am, what I want, and working to get there was just the attention my fire needed. I’m more focused, more driven and more dedicated than I’ve ever been.
The GlamSavvy Life brand is more than a blog to me. It’s a platform to help me change lives and thereby change the world. It’s the light that I’ve always wanted to shine. It’s the fire that burns within me.
So when you feel like your fire has dimmed, give it the attention it’s asking for. Ask yourself the tough questions. Find the ways to feed your fire every single day.
Here are 4 ways I’ve started feeding my fire daily:
1. I study the women who’ve change the world
I’ve started studying women who’ve change the world or at the very least change the game in their respective fields. I’m curating an Instagram account dedicated to them, Instagram.com/thegirlchangers. I study the women who have change to the world because I want to be one.
2. Be Silent
In a world where there is a tremendous amount of noise, remember to be silent. It’s in the silence that I was able to hear the questions on my heart and connect with who I am at my core.
3. Do work you really believe in
I haven’t made any money from the GlamSavvy Life. That is a little embarrassing to admit but it’s also incredible inspiring and alerts me to the fact that I must really believe in this work. This is WORK. Every time someone reaches out to tell me they enjoy my posts or connect with something I wrote it fuels my fire.
4. Embrace your naiveté
Connect often to the young girl inside you. The one with big dreams with no desire to be reasonable let her be your guide. She’s more powerful than you think and she’ll add some fuel to your fire.
Keep the fire burning, #creativesmartgirls!