When people use phrases like “I understand what you’re going through”, we immediately think, "You have no idea of what I am going through!”
In fact, those with emotional intelligence may not know exactly what you are going through, maybe the bruise is on their shoulder and not their elbow but there is a guarantee that they understand.
What in the world is that? Well, according to the above, I was displaying the effort of understanding and relating to the next person’s problems. The person with the bruise on their shoulder understands the pain of a bruise, no matter where it’s located.
Here is the true definition of EQ:
The capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal(s).
My first idea was understanding EQ was paralleled to identifying someone’s love language, the ability to master it, and fulfill that person’s needs. This is also the ability to be sensitive to the emotions of others. Emotional Intelligence is understanding that it is okay to cry. But how do you deal with this idea in public? Better yet, in the workspace?
Here’s a scenario:
You work with Melissa and she is very outgoing, talkative, intelligent and resourceful. Those are great qualities but Melissa is insensitive which means, no matter how great she is and how amazing she does her job, she lacks emotional intelligence to herself and people around her.
Melissa doesn’t know how to react to Cindy as she watches her cry about her missing puppy. To Melissa missing a puppy isn’t such a big deal compared to a missing human. Cindy is devastated and although Melissa is not moved, she can (if she was emotionally aware) comfort Cindy according to her needs. Melissa still has to become aware of emotional needs before she can provide moral support for Cindy.
When you don’t know where your own EQ, You cannot discern the next person’s.
Take a moment and check out the book, The 5 Love Languages.
In a nutshell, you will identify:
Words of Affirmation - Some people are emotionally deprived from this very thing. Either they are torn down or nothing is said at all to them. Words of Affirmation is confirming for some people. It brings their emotional intelligence by providing gratification and security through words. Next time you see someone upset about their score, their grade, or maybe they lost a game. Speak life into them. “You’re So Awesome!” “You will do better next time!” “You’re handsome!” “You’re so funny!” Those are affirming words to keep them encouraged.
Service - You know taking out the trash is a love language. Mainly for my men. Taking out the trash for your girl is really grounds for getting extra special treatment. Go figure!
Gifts - Giving gifts, whether you bought them or not, is a really good idea for being emotionally aware of someone’s needs and behavior. What Melissa could do is get Cindy a little card so she would feel better.
Physical Touch - Give Cindy a hug. That’s self explanatory, right?
Quality Time - Take the time to listen to Cindy as she sobs about her missing puppy. I mean really listen.
Become sensitive to the emotions around you and your own. Learn to love strangers, family, and friends by understanding their EIQ and their love language. You’ll win every time. I must admit, I have been able to discern my emotions at 23 years old. You think, “You don’t know when you’re angry?” Sometimes understanding that we’re angry versus “that’s just the way we are” makes a big difference.
We always know when we’re happy or confused or sad. We should be able to identify every emotion and put them in their respective place.
Would you consider yourself emotionally intelligent?
Brittney Parker was also known as Miss Parker is a Native of Southern California. Brittney began her career as a model and host for Seventeen Magazine’s runway and promotional shows which opened the door to partnering opportunities with brands such as Macy’s, American Eagle and Aeropostale. She also began creating content on YouTube for MissParkerTV and other YouTube content creators.
In August 2014, Miss Parker was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. The illness has given her a drive and desire to learn more about the disease, to bring awareness and find a cure. Currently, Miss Parker is curating a platform for young girls called Visionista University. Her plan is to work with other Visionistas within the entertainment industry and to help create opportunities for other young women who are Visionistas and need to focus on their vision.