We’ve all seen it before: your best friend who used to call all time and want to hang out has gone completely ghost now that she’s in a new relationship.
We’ve all seen it occur and may or may not have been guilty of it ourselves. Forgetting about your friends and the life you had before your new significant other can only cause issues in both situations. You wouldn’t want to cling to your partner so much that you actually push them away, nor do you want to signal to your friends that they aren’t a priority anymore. Being in a committed relationship and maintaining sisterhood requires balance.
Another thing that can result from this unbalanced lifestyle is your friends and family disliking your new boyfriend, because they think it’s all being done intentionally. While this may be the case, it’s your responsibility to make sure you aren’t neglecting the other people in your life.
According to information designers David McCandless and Lee Byron, 3.5% of relationships end due to the disapproval of friends and family. Here’s how to find balance with friends and a new relationship.
Here are five ways you can find balance between your relationships and your friendships:
Give each one on one time. Giving each side ample alone time so everyone is still feeling like they play a part in your life is key to finding balance. Of course this depends on what kind of relationship you're now in, but dividing your free time equally is sure to prevent any issues. If you just met someone three weeks ago, you should know better than to flake out on your friends consistently. But if you just got married, that'll come with more adjustments to be made, and much more understanding on your friends' part.
Initiate plans with your friends. Make it a point to call or text your friends first to make solid plans to hang out. Staying in contact with your friends or even seeing them often doesn't mean much if they always have to make the first move. Show them you still care if you aren't around as much by initiating conversation, and asking them to hang out.
Spend time together. Allow friends to get to know your new guy in small groups instead of all at once. If all of your friends are always around, no one is going to be able to get to know anyone. Bring a couple friends together at a time and hang out with your new boyfriend. If either party is feeling neglected, resolving the issue will be much easier if they know who you're spending time with, and can understand why this person is important to you.
Talk to them. You're going to have to have the tough conversations. Ask your friend and significant other to hold you accountable during this time of adjustment. Let each party know how you're feeling, ask for their honesty and be clear that you understand how they feel. This is the time to communicate that you'll make an honest effort to respect everyone's feelings.
Spend time alone. All of your time shouldn’t go to one or the other, spend time alone for self-care, work and just relaxation. We all wear many hats, sister, daughter, employee, boss, friends, girlfriend/wife, mom, etc. the list goes on and on. But just because we have a repsonsibilitiy to show up for others, we owe the same to ourselves.
Don't be the girl who gets in a relationship and forgets she had a life before the guy. Your work, friends/family and hobbies are still important and what makes you, you.
How do you balance time with girlfriends and time with your significant other?