7 ways to find yourself again and move on after a breakup

Moving on from a breakup isn't an easy thing to do, and not everyone knows how to properly grieve a relationship and move on. One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do is mourn the loss of someone who is still alive, and find a way to cope.


In high school, breakups seemed hard because you had to see that person every, single day and face everyone else at the same time. As you get older, you'll realize that breakups in your adult life are harder for the exact opposite. Most couples get introduced to family, friends and coworkers, and even move in together. But once you break up, there's nothing really forcing you to see them anymore. 

Dealing with a breakup or the dissolution of any type of relationship can be tough. As an adult, we can't just take refuge in our bedrooms for weeks until we OK. We still have to get up, get dressed and put in the day's work. 

If you're struggling to find yourself after a recent breakup, here are seven things you can to that'll help: 

Grieve. Don't pretend that everything is fine and you're superwoman. If you have to cry, do it; if you have to scream, do it; if you have to spend the weekend watching sad movies on Netflix, do it. Do what you need to do to get closure and heal. Acting like you're not bothered by the situation is going to lead to a rude awakening one day when you're reminded of your ex, and get in your feelings. Get everything out now, there's nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel. 


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Practice self-care. Whatever self-care means for you, practice that as often as you can. If it means you need to go on a shopping spree and completely pamper yourself, that's OK - just don't go into debt for it. Take time to treat yourself, and realize that getting your nails done, dressed up and hair done has nothing to do with a man. 

Disconnect from your ex. Get rid of any reminder of your ex that can trigger unwanted emotions. After you've spent time grieving the relationship, try to distance yourself from anything that can set you back on this emotional journey. This includes throwing away gifts, hoodies and photos. If you want to hang onto something it's understandable, but make sure the emotional connection is gone. 

Don't blame yourself. Trying to place fault all the time is an issue in and out of relationships. Don't blame yourself thinking "If only I'd..." because you're only going to undo all of the work you've already put in. It's OK to accept responsibility for the things you could have done better, but don't be so hard on yourself because it ultimately didn't work out. 

Spend time with friends. Finding yourself again is about realizing who you were before you either me your ex, or got with them. Hanging out with your friends and family is the perfect way to get back in touch with who you are. Take a girls trip or even spend a girls night in to appreciate the people who will always be there when things like breakups happen. 

Do things alone. Get back into hobbies and things you enjoy doing for fun, and get comfortable doing those things alone. Embracing being alone and appreciating that time will only make you stronger. Mentally and emotionally strong people are able to be by themselves and do things alone. Moving on from a breakup means finding your independence, and what you want to do shouldn't be based on who's doing it with you. 

Accept it. Learn to let go of the things that are out of your control and just accept things for what they are. Accepting it can also mean being friends in the future. As long as you aren't spending your days trying to get something back out of fear, acceptance can mean being in each others lives again, someday. For now, try to move on knowing you did your best and although it didn't work out, you aren't any less valuable. 


How do you deal with the dissolution of a relationship?